You don't need to be perfect!

Recently, I have been struggling with this idea that I need to have everything in order, everything in its neat tidy little box, and life running as smoothly as possible.  Well, wake up Elyssa, life does not work like that.  

You're probably thinking I must already realize that, and I do.  In practical life, it is hard though to work that concept out in every day life.  Maybe not for everyone, and you may have no struggles in this area at all (yay for you!) For me, I like everything to be orderly and put together the right way.  Yet, God has been wiggling His words into my heart reminding me that I do not need to have all the pieces of the puzzle put together, my house does not need to remain hyper-clean all the time, and my children do not need to be spit-polished clean.  

As I am sure all you moms can relate, life can be so hectic with two little ones sometimes, and they take all the energy out of you.  They are little leeches (hmm, maybe too harsh a word, but you get the concept) who just need your constant attention and focus, and at the end of the day, all I want to do is collapse in bed.  At times, I just leave my house in total disarray because I have put my focus on Matthew and Emma, and then have to remember the Lord does not care how clean my house is.  He cares about my heart and my training for my little people.  What will they learn from my attitude?  What will they remember about how their times were spent with me?  Will they remember a crazy mom who scurried about the house picking up every little object and toy after they were done with it, or will they remember a mom who curled up on the couch tickling, laughing and talking with them?  I hope it's the latter, though sometimes I definitely miss that mark and neglect spending that quality time with my children because I am so wrapped up in having my "clean house".  Oh Lord, forgive me, and help me to realize my children need me.  They need to see me engrossed in their activities and melded to the tune of their hearts instead of flurrying around trying to get that last load of laundry thrown in, or the spaghetti sauce cleaned off the stove and wall.  

As my son talks to me, he constantly says "mom, watch", "mom, look at me", and he means it... he really wants me to LOOK at him, LISTEN to him, and WATCH what he does.  Isn't that more important?  That I see my little people for the beautiful creation that God has designed and allowed me to shape and mold?  My heart's prayer is that one day, when my children are grown and older, that I will have a relationship and friendship with them that allows them to come to me at any time, in any way, through any situation and be able to talk things through because I have instilled that in their little hearts from the beginning.  Not a maniac mom who is more concerned with outward appearances and the cleanliness of my house- but connected to them because I share everything I have with them.  I want to pour my heart, life and love into them, so that years from now, that is what they remember.  

Matthew & Emma- you are everything to me, you are my light and joy at all times, and I thank and praise God for making you the little people that you have become.  I love when your squishy fingers curl around my hands as we walk.  I love your voices, which yell and shout and fight, but signify that you want to be heard.  Your voices matter and are important.  I melt when you smile you smile  at me, because in those smiles hold a thousand words of love.  Your characters are unique, your hugs and kisses mean more than you can know, and it's my prayer that you fall in love with the love of the Father, because you see that love displayed somehow in my life.  I am not perfect, I do NOT have all the pieces of the puzzle put together, but I am trying everyday to show you that God's love and His grace are sufficient to make me the mommy that you need.  He is my source of fulfillment, not who I am, not what I do, and definitely not how clean my house is! 

Birthday Boy!

Well, the excitement was building for quite a few weeks beforehand, and as the day got closer Matthew asked me each day "Mom, is it my birthday yet?"  He woke up yesterday morning and the first thing he said after he came in to bed to snuggle with me was "Mom, guess what?  Today is my birthday!"  

I am so proud of the little person he is becoming, and am amused most every day with the stories he tells and his imagination, which runs WILD sometimes.  So yesterday was all about Matthew.  Here are some pictures of the birthday boy and his small birthday party, which he was thoroughly excited about.  

Where did the time go?

In 6 days, I will be celebrating 4 years with my little guy, Matthew Kenneth Falls.  Recently, I have watched him and wondered where did the time go?  He is no longer my little baby or even little toddler, but a young boy.  Just the other day he told me that his birthday was coming up and he wanted the day to fall on a Tuesday.  I replied by telling him that it was on a Sunday this year, and his response was "Mom- church is on Sundays, I can't have my birthday on a Sunday!"  :-)  He makes me laugh so hard sometimes.  

The older he gets though, the more I am coming to the realization that my son, even with his young mind, understands certain things about life and the way it works- including a sense of the Lord and what He's done for us.  When we talk about Jesus and the things He did while on earth, Matthew usually has a lot of questions, which causes me to beg God to help him understand even at this young age that he is in need of a Savior.  Matthew knows now when and how he does wrong.  The wheels are spinning in his mind about when he needs to say he's sorry and ask for forgiveness from whomever he has wronged, so I pray that he understands he needs the same thing from our Heavenly Father.  

Along that note, it causes me to reflect on just how great is the love of our Father, that He should love us enough to sacrifice who He loved more than anything, to save us from our sin.  Myself included.  I do not deserve that love and forgiveness, or His grace, but He put it out there, for us to take hold of and accept, even in our state of sin.  I know that as Matthew will get older, he will see my life is far from perfect, I am broken, and I need to fall on my knees and make my heart right before my Maker and those I have wronged here on earth.  I can only pray that my example to him allows him to see that need and the solution for the need- which is none other than the blood of Christ.  

Bringing all that back to Matthew, I will be praying for my son and my daughter, Emma, to understand they needs Jesus.  God's given me such a great task to shepherd these little hearts, and though at times I feel so inadequate for the task, I know that my Father's given me the tools for the trade, and that I must choose to use them and walk in them.  

Boys will be boys

As I left for my lunch break today, I got in my car, and there were a pair of blue camo underwear on my center console.  Now before you go wondering whether I wear blue camo underwear, you can rest assured there are no camo underwear in my top drawer!  

They were my sons, Matthew's, and it brought him to my mind while I was on my lunch break, which in turn brought to mind WHY they were there in the first place.  As we got ready to go for a walk last night, I was loading the kids and the stroller in the car, and when he was buckled into his seat a pair of underwear were flung up towards the front with a yell "Pee-yoo" which of course made me laugh at my son's antics.  I asked him what smelled and his reply was "my underwear mom".  Mind you, these were underwear that simply got wet from swimming and had dried in the heat of the car.  But to him, the flinging and the yelling were all part of his little personality, which has become more apparent the older he gets.  

Matthew is such a boy who loves life, and lives it fully getting into everything and asking questions about whatever he is getting into.  And it's my job, as his mom, to teach and train him (and Emma) in the ways of the Lord, so that one day they will learn about that love relationship that our Heavenly Father wants us all to experience with Him.  Pretty big responsibility if you ask me.  But for now, I am enjoying his little "boyness" and all the scrapes, bumps, snakes, and deer stories for now! 

First time at this- don't judge too much

I have always wanted to sit down and collect my thoughts, yet the time never seemed to present itself. Well, enough of the waiting, I am going to just begin.

At first, the concept of blogging seemed a little daunting, "who will want to hear my thoughts?" "what will I write about?" or "will anyone even read this??" But the more I mulled over these thoughts, I came to the realization that I wanted to express my thoughts on being a wife, mother and woman of God to help encourage others in their walks, wherever they may be.  By no means do I have any answers or have it altogether, but one thing I am confident of is the fact that God is working on me, piece by piece, chiseling me into who He desires me to be.

Me with my beautiful children that God has allowed me to help guide through life

So, that is where I will start, and maybe no one but me will ever read my ramblings and thoughts, but that is okay.  I will allow this blog to express me and where God has me at this time in my life, as a wife, mom and working woman.