The day has come and gone, Christmas that is.  All that preparation, all the craziness leading up to one of my favorite holidays, and it's gone.  Of course, with this holiday, I became so sick and have been laid up for a couple days.  But during those days, I was able to sit back and relax a little more than I normally would have, and as I was sitting on the couch Sunday night, I was reading through God's Word- and I was reading in Psalms and the verse caught my eye that says "Bless the Lord oh my soul, bless the Lord, and all that is within me bless the Lord."  

What better time to reflect on that verse than during the time of year where we focus on the birth of Jesus Christ.  ALL that is within me- BLESS THE LORD.  How often I fail to do that.  I can so easily shift my focus to the negative that is going on around me, or dwell on everything going wrong.  And yet, God my Father, tells me to Bless the Lord.  So, I'm offering up my thanksgiving and gratitude to my Father, that in spite of my circumstances, I can bless the Lord.  Just thought I'd pass my musings on. 

What I'm Thankful For

Remember those days in elementary school when your teacher asked you to make a list of the top 5 or 10 things that you were thankful for?  The standard responses were "My parents, my brothers and sisters, food, a house and clothes". 

The older I've gotten, the more I realize ALL that God has truly blessed me with in life.  Through the rough patches and the the good times, God has been so faithful to me, and I am in awe of the ways that He has provided for and sustained me through every season of life that I have found myself in.  

As a mom, sometimes it's hard to step back and focus on those things in the midst of the nitty-gritty details of life's harrowing moments and stress of the day-to-day activities and duties.  Sometimes it's nice to take a "time-out" and sit down to reflect on those things that God has done for me.  

He has saved and redeemed me, bought me out of the slavery of sin.  He's forgiven me and declared me as His child and co-heir with Christ.  He has provided for my every need, from childhood through adulthood.  He has blessed me with a family who raised me with the values that I hold so dear, and who have loved me through the many facets of my life.  He has given me my wonderful husband, my best friend, who I have grown up with, and love more than words could describe.  He's allowed me the privilege of carrying and giving birth to 2 beautiful children, who continually bring out my failures, and yet also show me more of God's grace as Keith & I raise them.  

In between ALL of that, God has done so many things for me, that it would fill pages if I sat down and wrote them all out.  God has always been faithful to me, and has held me in the palm of His hand through life's joys, trials and circumstances.  For that I am truly thankful this Thanksgiving.  My Abba Father carries me in His arms, and tells me that He will never leave me.  What a comfort to cling to no matter what is happening in life- good or bad.  

From me to you

To my beautiful children: 

Do you know how much I love you?  Do you realize what I would not do for you?  Probably not at this early stage in your lives.  My heart is overflowing with joy and thankfulness that God has blessed me and your dad with your little hearts to care for.  We are so not worthy, and you will see us mess up so many times.  Forgive us, please?  Don't expect us to have all the answers- because WE DON'T!  You are a precious gift to us, and we value the times that we get to spend with you.  

Tickling your toes, scrubbing your heads with watermelon shampoo and making you laugh from the bubbles, playing superhero or baby dolls, building massive amounts of forts on the deck or in the living room, watching your favorite movie over and over again, or reading your favorite books over and over again till the words are ingrained in all our minds! ("My name is Skippito Friskito") :-)  

Even if there is ketchup stuck to the inside of the refrigerator, or battery operated toys thrown in the tub water, dirty socks behind your beds, sippy cups from here to kingdom come, I thank God that He has given me the privilege of bringing you into this world and caring for you! 

Your smiles are infectious and your love for me and Dad warms me from the inside out.  I may seem tired and stressed at the end of the day, but I will always make time for you.  When you are older and not quite as cuddly, I will still want to know everything about you and learn and grow with you, trusting that you will feel that you can come to us with anything that your heart is experiencing at any given time.  

Through all the stages of growing and developing that are in store for you, I know God has a plan to draw you closer to Him, and for that I pray every day that your hearts are soft towards Him.  Soft towards His great love, and the relationship He yearns to have with you.  You were formed and created beautifully by Him, the Grand Master of the Universe!  And His love for you far outweighs anything that Dad and I can show you. 

So if you see our faults and our mistakes, know that we are also clinging to the love that our Father shows us in spite of who we are, and the mistakes that we fail to make day-in and day-out.  Because of His grand design in sending His Son for you and for us, we have a hope that we will spend eternity with Him because of what He has accomplished for us.  And that is my prayer for you as well.  Grow into the man and woman that God desires for you to be.  Seek Him with all your heart, trust that in His INFINITE wisdom, He knows and has your very best interests at heart.  

You are my sunshine, and you make me happy just thinking about your little personalities and I am excited to see what God will do in and through you!  All my love to you my Matthew-peanut and Emmy-bear! 

Love, Mommy 

Who cares?

Similar to my last posting about my house being messy... another concept I am coming to grips with recently has been that it just does not matter what other people say or think.  What matters is my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and what HE thinks about my choice of actions.  Or when it comes to my relationship with my husband or kids, again it matters what my Father says.  People pleasing has always been something I struggle with.  As I've grown older, and I have now gotten married and had a couple children, my life sometimes feels like a crazy mess... but it's the crazy mess that God is again working on and chiseling to make me into the woman, wife and mother that He wants me to be.  In the end, when I stand before my Maker, the voices and thoughts of others will not be what He is concerned with.  That's comforting!  Because I really do not have it altogether, and Keith & I are LEARNING every day what it means to be married and to parent our children into the little people God wants them to be.  

Life is messy, it's hard, it's filled with heartaches and disappointments.  But life is also filled with God's fingers weaving together a tapestry that I can't see the big picture of.  He knows the bigger picture- and it is that where I find contentment and peace.  As someone close once told me, Joseph, while he was in Potiphar's prison, could not see the bigger picture, he was alone, possibly cold and hungry, sitting in a prison cell for something that he did not do.  Yet, God, in his INFINITE wisdom, knew the end result.  So, for all the heartaches, hardships and disappointments, I know that God is working in our hearts to mold us and shape us into His Son.  Each of our journeys is different.  What God calls me to do, day by day and moment by moment, is to walk with Him, develop my friendship with Him and choose to walk in the truth that He has shown me.  Do I mess up?  ABSOLUTELY.  I fight with my husband, I yell at my kids, I am selfish, I choose my own ways so many times.  But in my moments of weakness... I find the strength of my Father, picking me up, showing me "Elyssa, stop trying to please everyone else, you are not perfect, you are going to stumble, but I am showing you more of myself through your mistakes and failures".  God's plans are not my plans, His thoughts are not my thoughts. So I am comforted with: 

"Have patience, God isn't finished yet"

Philippians 1:6 

An older picture of them, but I love their adorable smiles in it- and it makes me happy to look at! 

You don't need to be perfect!

Recently, I have been struggling with this idea that I need to have everything in order, everything in its neat tidy little box, and life running as smoothly as possible.  Well, wake up Elyssa, life does not work like that.  

You're probably thinking I must already realize that, and I do.  In practical life, it is hard though to work that concept out in every day life.  Maybe not for everyone, and you may have no struggles in this area at all (yay for you!) For me, I like everything to be orderly and put together the right way.  Yet, God has been wiggling His words into my heart reminding me that I do not need to have all the pieces of the puzzle put together, my house does not need to remain hyper-clean all the time, and my children do not need to be spit-polished clean.  

As I am sure all you moms can relate, life can be so hectic with two little ones sometimes, and they take all the energy out of you.  They are little leeches (hmm, maybe too harsh a word, but you get the concept) who just need your constant attention and focus, and at the end of the day, all I want to do is collapse in bed.  At times, I just leave my house in total disarray because I have put my focus on Matthew and Emma, and then have to remember the Lord does not care how clean my house is.  He cares about my heart and my training for my little people.  What will they learn from my attitude?  What will they remember about how their times were spent with me?  Will they remember a crazy mom who scurried about the house picking up every little object and toy after they were done with it, or will they remember a mom who curled up on the couch tickling, laughing and talking with them?  I hope it's the latter, though sometimes I definitely miss that mark and neglect spending that quality time with my children because I am so wrapped up in having my "clean house".  Oh Lord, forgive me, and help me to realize my children need me.  They need to see me engrossed in their activities and melded to the tune of their hearts instead of flurrying around trying to get that last load of laundry thrown in, or the spaghetti sauce cleaned off the stove and wall.  

As my son talks to me, he constantly says "mom, watch", "mom, look at me", and he means it... he really wants me to LOOK at him, LISTEN to him, and WATCH what he does.  Isn't that more important?  That I see my little people for the beautiful creation that God has designed and allowed me to shape and mold?  My heart's prayer is that one day, when my children are grown and older, that I will have a relationship and friendship with them that allows them to come to me at any time, in any way, through any situation and be able to talk things through because I have instilled that in their little hearts from the beginning.  Not a maniac mom who is more concerned with outward appearances and the cleanliness of my house- but connected to them because I share everything I have with them.  I want to pour my heart, life and love into them, so that years from now, that is what they remember.  

Matthew & Emma- you are everything to me, you are my light and joy at all times, and I thank and praise God for making you the little people that you have become.  I love when your squishy fingers curl around my hands as we walk.  I love your voices, which yell and shout and fight, but signify that you want to be heard.  Your voices matter and are important.  I melt when you smile you smile  at me, because in those smiles hold a thousand words of love.  Your characters are unique, your hugs and kisses mean more than you can know, and it's my prayer that you fall in love with the love of the Father, because you see that love displayed somehow in my life.  I am not perfect, I do NOT have all the pieces of the puzzle put together, but I am trying everyday to show you that God's love and His grace are sufficient to make me the mommy that you need.  He is my source of fulfillment, not who I am, not what I do, and definitely not how clean my house is! 

Birthday Boy!

Well, the excitement was building for quite a few weeks beforehand, and as the day got closer Matthew asked me each day "Mom, is it my birthday yet?"  He woke up yesterday morning and the first thing he said after he came in to bed to snuggle with me was "Mom, guess what?  Today is my birthday!"  

I am so proud of the little person he is becoming, and am amused most every day with the stories he tells and his imagination, which runs WILD sometimes.  So yesterday was all about Matthew.  Here are some pictures of the birthday boy and his small birthday party, which he was thoroughly excited about.  

Where did the time go?

In 6 days, I will be celebrating 4 years with my little guy, Matthew Kenneth Falls.  Recently, I have watched him and wondered where did the time go?  He is no longer my little baby or even little toddler, but a young boy.  Just the other day he told me that his birthday was coming up and he wanted the day to fall on a Tuesday.  I replied by telling him that it was on a Sunday this year, and his response was "Mom- church is on Sundays, I can't have my birthday on a Sunday!"  :-)  He makes me laugh so hard sometimes.  

The older he gets though, the more I am coming to the realization that my son, even with his young mind, understands certain things about life and the way it works- including a sense of the Lord and what He's done for us.  When we talk about Jesus and the things He did while on earth, Matthew usually has a lot of questions, which causes me to beg God to help him understand even at this young age that he is in need of a Savior.  Matthew knows now when and how he does wrong.  The wheels are spinning in his mind about when he needs to say he's sorry and ask for forgiveness from whomever he has wronged, so I pray that he understands he needs the same thing from our Heavenly Father.  

Along that note, it causes me to reflect on just how great is the love of our Father, that He should love us enough to sacrifice who He loved more than anything, to save us from our sin.  Myself included.  I do not deserve that love and forgiveness, or His grace, but He put it out there, for us to take hold of and accept, even in our state of sin.  I know that as Matthew will get older, he will see my life is far from perfect, I am broken, and I need to fall on my knees and make my heart right before my Maker and those I have wronged here on earth.  I can only pray that my example to him allows him to see that need and the solution for the need- which is none other than the blood of Christ.  

Bringing all that back to Matthew, I will be praying for my son and my daughter, Emma, to understand they needs Jesus.  God's given me such a great task to shepherd these little hearts, and though at times I feel so inadequate for the task, I know that my Father's given me the tools for the trade, and that I must choose to use them and walk in them.